The Lost Pup

I literally dragged my feet to YAF (Young Adults' Fellowship).

First of all, i was super pissed with myself, for being a lousy example to my nieces and nephews for missing fellowships on Sat, secondly, i had to choose to go back on the topic of finding Life partner. double -.-"...

I looked at my journal and i thought to myself, how was I going to fill up the "Thanksgiving".. Thank God, the type of "nice to have you back" comments were few, if not i would have walked right out of the meeting..

Im sorry, but i am just in a super lousy mood today...

Anyway, after the long session, with questions asked mainly by the guys, i left with Rachel. My plan was to take the transport back with her and come back home again. While waiting for the bus, Rachel saw the cute puppy following a man around, and commented "SO CUTE!"

I turned around and saw the man, avoiding the pup, so I asked him if the pup belongs to him, and he said no, not mine. So immediately, i got up and attended to the pup while asking Rachel to call SPCA. Rachel had to rush home, so i sat there and Simba (yes, thats the name we gave) was my buddy for the next hour.

In my heart, i was praying that his mother will not come growling at me for taking her pup. Unfortunately, looks like someone abandon this beautiful creature..

So how did this day turn to be a wonderful day? I think it was simply God's plan for me to go attend YAF, and walked Rachel to the bus stop. God has a plan for everyone, and everything. If i was not there, Rachel said she would have to leave him behind, and getting worried whether SPCA would have found him.

Here are some pictures I took while waiting =)

On the way back, I cant help feeling like the lost pup.. I was lost and unwanted, Jesus found me and took me in His arms. And like the little pup, i was snuggling and all comfortable. When the pup awoken, he whimpers and wanted to get down, and away from my arms. Knowing that it was dangerous, i held on to him. Likewise, once I was comfortable in Jesus' arms, i wanted to go and do things my way,

I just thank God that Jesus held on tightly to me, coz He knows the dangers lurking around.. =)

Abused... Not broken..

Having attended a few modules, i get to know and understand myself better. For example, Why am I so eccentric? Why is my behaviour so unpredictable, or more like very predictable, why am I so emotionally frail?

The reason is simply because I was abused as a child. In all aspects, even sexually, though my parents didnt mean to.

I have no idea how many people out there, had been abused, or are still being abuse. I can tell you, i know how you feel, i understand what you are going through. No, i wont tell you everything will be alright because though the wounds heal, the scars remains.

One simple example is this "indifferent" feeling I have towards any guy. My friend asked me once, "What exactly do you expect from a guy?" I was quite shocked that someone asked me this, but my answer was immediate, "I expect them to fail".

If you want to talk about pride, I definitely have more pride than a guy because I am out to prove, I can do anything better than guys. This is ReALLY a wrong thought to have, and believe me, I am telling myself, i dont need to prove anything to them, i just need to concentrate if I AM following Christ.

Forgive me brothers, if you really find it hard to talk to me. Scars left by my father and the few "good" men I've met is simply too deep. IT IS a thorn in my flesh, and I KNOW Jesus' grace is more than sufficient. Most of the guys in church had fail, even the ladies, even me. Coz simply, we are all sinners saved by grace. One way or another we will and have failed.

So therefore, this is just a note to self, or to anybody out there who is reading. Life's never easy, but it's jsut how we grow out of it. I guess that's why I am an Early Childhood educator. I want to be there if any of my child suffers abuse of any kind.

The sun always shine after the storm..

THank you

I haven been grateful.. And that is not nice..

On a random day, on the way back home from school, right in my little journal, i started writing thanksgiving.

My mum always say, "要懂得报恩". In english, it simply means, one must learn to be appreciate and repaying favours. I know its very much in her buddhism terms when she said it, but i think i need that philosophy in my life daily.

Philippians 4:6 (NLT) says, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. "

In other words, all the crappy things happening, God is there to listen. And He has already done so much, i have yet spent enough time to thank Him for.

I apologized if i ever caused anyone to stumble, to lose faith.

I'm attending another module for my course. My teacher reminded that we, as teachers, need to have a philosophy. So i thought I'll come up with one, which was being taught in another staminar, i just extended it.

My philosophy as a Christian, and as a teacher is to be a

Faithful Friend, that is
Always Available, and to be a
Teachable Teacher.

So from this day on, (maybe i have already said so many times before, anywho), this day on, i will have blog entries for thanksgiving =)

Have a blessed day!

Let me be...

Sometimes I get it, when friends are trying to comfort me.. But trying to relate with what i am going through is unneccessary, and sometimes I find it insulting. If you realise that I stop talking, it means you have lost me.

I am weird i know, there are many things I want to say, am sometimes I spoke, nobody heard.

So i ended up just keeping quiet.

To those that I have spoken, i much regretted telling you what happen, coz might have stumble you or even worst, after you tried encouraging me, still doesnt work, it'll make you feel worst.

Sometimes i find the idiom true, laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.. Honestly, i rather do it alone.

Just let me be.